I am a slimmer by trade, I am frequently weighed I am slim as a reed in the river. I am slender and lean, and hungry and mean, Have some water, its good for your liver.

Do not give me cheese rolls or profiteroles. Do not show me that jelly a shakin, Do not give me cream crackers, you picnic and snackers Or great big ice creams with a flake in.

Do not give me swiss roll or toad in the hole. Do not show me that black Forest gateau. You sit and go mouldy, you old garibaldi Your pastry all riddled with fat.Oh!

When i am fat I feel weary and tubby and dreary, The stairs make me struggle and grunt, And yet I am so happy and punchy and snappy When my hip bones are stuck out the front.

No, it is white fish for me, no milk in me tea, And if we do not like it we lump it. No figs or sultanas, no mashed up bananas No pleasure and no buttered crumpet.

So do not get any bigger, me old pear shaped figure I can and I will become thinner. So cheer up and take heart, pass the calorie chart, let us see what we are having for dinner!

Just thought it might give someone a giggle!


By Pam Ayres