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Funny Weight Loss Quotes

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Laughter is always good theraphy, so why not some Funny Weight Loss Quotes. I guarantee you that you find at least one quote that will make you smile. If you have any Funny Weight Loss Quote that you will like share, Contact Me . So Enjoy!

  • I keep trying to lose weight... but it keeps finding me! ~Author Unknown~
  • I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond. ~Mae West~
  • I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is fourteen days. ~Totie Fields~
  • Rich, fatty foods are like destiny: they too, shape our ends. ~Author Unknown~
  • I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it. ~Author Unknown~
  • The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends. ~Author Unknown~
  • Forget love - I'd rather fall in chocolate! ~Attributed to Sandra J. Dykes~
  • Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Coincidence? I think not! ~Author Unknown~
  • The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook. ~Andy Rooney~
  • Food is like sex: when you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good. ~Beth McCollister~
  • Food has replaced sex in my life; now, I can't even get into my own pants. ~Author Unknown~
  • If you really want to be depressed, weigh yourself in grams ~Jason Love~
  • Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever. ~Author Unknown~
  • The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day, you're off it. ~Jackie Gleason~
  • You know it's time to diet when you push away from the table and the table moves. ~Quoted in The Cockle Bur~
  • Dieters live life in the fasting lane. ~Author Unknown~
  • My advice if you insist on slimming: Eat as much as you like - just don't swallow it. ~Harry Secombe~
  • I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food. ~Erma Bombeck~
  • I'm in shape. Round is a shape... isn't it? ~Author Unknown~
  • I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.
  • Inside me there is a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate her with four or five cupcakes.
  • Every time I get the urge to exercise, I lie down till the feeling passes.
  • "At my gym they have free weights, so I took them." ~Steve Smith~
  • The only exercise I get is jumping to conclusions.
  • What runs but never gets tired? Water.
  • The Diet
    A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you will have lost at least five pounds. When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?" The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor. "No, from skipping." ~Submitted by Ray~
  • You will not find anything healthful in the vending machine. Even if the machine has something healthful, you will not see it.
  • If your snack gets stuck in the vending machine, be thankful. You will burn a few calories shaking the machine. And if the machine falls on you, you will probably be thinner.
  • Eating a lot of low-fat pies is a good way to get high-fat thighs.
  • It is better to count calories than to count chins.
  • Candy is not good for you, so stop flirting with her.
  • Limit your intake of dates and nuts, as well as your desire to date nuts.
  • You cannot eat just one piece of chocolate, unless it is the last piece in the country.
  • Drinking three glasses of water before every meal will help you lose weight, because you will burn a lot of calories running to the bathroom.
  • Joining a fitness club is a good idea, but only if you go to it. Just remember: The club has only one guarantee, that you will pay a monthly fee.


New's Years Resolutions

I will exercise when you exercise

Please God make me thin!

Do NOT give in

30 minutes on the bike

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